Friday, August 20, 2010

Grief Bereavement Group

Last night I went back to a bereavement group.  I haven't been since snow was piled high on the street.  It felt good to be in the company of people who understand what it feels like to lose someone you love.  Before Artie died I didn't understand.  I would know someone whose partner had died and say I was sorry but I didn't know - or think to ask - how much it can continue to hurt a year, two years, ten years, the rest of your life - depending on who you are.  It helps me be less critical of myself and understand that some of my behavior - like having trouble doing the simplest thing some days - or being hit with an unexpected wave of sadness or pain - are normal. When Artie first died I thought I was losing my mind but (assuming I have a mind!) for everything I have done or not done.  Going to bereavement groups and talking to others who have lost that person they so loved lets me know that many others share my feelings and my experiences.  I'm not usually a group person and I amost didn't go but the truth is I need the support and am grateful for it.  I wish there was a simple answer.  There doesn't seem to be one.  It seems more a process of finding ways to take your grieving self out into the world and find happy moments to wash over you so that grief is part of you and not all of you.  Which doesn't mean that some days you can't give yourself permission to hide away if that is what you need.  Since Artie died I get tired of the sunshine.  I am looking forward to snow again and dark skies and bare branches.  Maybe some day I will like spring and summer again - now my favorite seasons are fall and winter.  It seems unfair for the world to be so alive when my husband is not - at least not on earth.  I continue to hope that his spirit is very alive - and probably having a better time than I am!! 

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