This is a short one. I just remembered I put in a load of laundry about 5 hours ago. Was doing the usual feeling sorry for myself and not wanting to move. I got on the computer to answer my e-mail and then went to Facebook. There is a page called I HATE bullying. There is another one about self harming. Another called Depression. There is a world of hurt out there. I spent some time posting trying to give people support - the way so many people have supported me. I don't know if works or not. Sometimes I get someone check like or ask to friend me. For those of you who don't do Facebook - those are ways people can respond to what you say. Sometimes I don't get a response - but sometimes people like what you say and don't respond.
It's kind of like this blog. I started talking to myself and then it turned out what I had to say helped some other people. I can be a very private person. I've developed this outrageous personality but I'm really an introvert. It's strange - I'm fine on stage - but put me at a party where I don't know anyone and I am terrified. Since Artie died, I've felt a need to be part of a community. I've seen how important it is not to grieve alone. It's helped me to know that what I am going through is the same thing other's go through. Not everyone grieves the same - but it's nice to know I'm not the only one grieving the way I'm grieving.
I'm not saying you all should do what I'm doing.. It's important to have real as well as on line friends - but there are ways now that we can reach out to people not only in person - but by taking 10 or 20 minutes of our time just to write to a stranger that you care about them - or on the bullying page - that there is life after school - if they can be strong.
I think I'll always allow myself down time - and I'll always feel sorry for myself - I'm so talented at it! On the other hand, I'm still trying to change the balance. Sometimes people call me generous - but I find that making an effort to help others is the most selfish thing I can do. It helps me.
Real life calls. Got to get that laundry in the drier. Hope your Saturday gave you something to smile about. xo
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