Friday, March 30, 2012

Grief: Tipping The Scale

I have been feeling tired physically and emotionally.  I wound up writing this for someone and thought I would share it with you.  It's still part of grief for me.  Some days or stretch of days I find difficult to do more than the bare minimum.   I do try to show up for at least one thing a day.  The more I give in to my stuckedness the stickier it gets!!

Once upon a time a woman was supposed to come up with a metaphor and all she could think of was a metagainst. She balanced the scales. On one side were all the wonderful things in her life which she knew and was very grateful for. On that same side were all the skills and techniques she had learned to make herself feel better. On that same side were all her friends, old and new, and all the wonderful things they had said about her. On the other side was one thing. Her husband was dead. Somehow, some days that one thing tipped the scales and weighed more than all the other things. It didn't make any sense but that was the way it was.

The woman cancelled exercise and stayed in bed. She had plans to meet someone for dinner and a show so she got up to check her e-mails. She had learned to keep putting herself where life was and didn't want to cancel the evening too.

The woman knew one very important thing. Tomorrow or maybe even later today the scales would tip back the other way. That her husband was dead would always have weight. However, she knew that her alive husband had given her much joy and her husband's spirit was like a second skin, loving her even now. That is what would tip the scales back because her husband death was on both sides. Sometimes it held her down and sometimes it lifted her up.

She began writing the metagainst to her very special friend and in the middle it turned back into a metaphor: The woman would forgive herself for having tipsy scales. It's what she told everyone else. Forgive yourself. It's part of being real.

I hope that today your scales are tipped in a direction that lets you feel all the beauty and happiness around you.  If not - I hope they tip over that way soon.  If you haven't piled enough stuff on the happy side - start piling.  There must be something.  I know the more I look the more I see.  The more I ask what else am I glad about, the more answers I get.  Extra hugs for everyone - including me.  xo

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