Sunday, March 18, 2012

Grief: Liking the New Guy and A Gift Of Slippers

Two short blogs for the price of one.

I thought I needed something a  little lighter. I like the new guy.  Not of course, in my personal life! That would be too simple.  John Nettles played a detective in Midsomer Murders for something like 80 episodes.  DVDs are my night time companions since my husband died.  I know John Nettles is an actor and I will probably never even meet him.  Yet, if I fell in love again it would be with a man like him.  Of a certain age, cuddly rather than buff, and with a twinkle in his eye.  When he retired, as he well deserves after so many episodes, I thought I would miss him.  I do.  However, the man who is the new lead - Neil Dudgeon is quite fun to watch.  I like the new guy.  I didn't think I would.  If I can do it with someone in a TV show - who knows, maybe I can do it in real life.  Everything in me says NO! but there is a sweet small voice that says - maybe.  If not, I have Artie's love and I can wait.  I have my grandbaby to cuddle and my daughter to be so proud of.  She is a good mom.  I wish that all of you who have had children die could have them back.  I also know that liking the new folk doesn't mean forgetting the ones we love.  I will always love Artie.  I will always miss Artie.  Even if there is, some day, a new guy in my real as opposed to TV life. I'm glad I can tell the difference. One sign of sanity.  :)

The gift of slippers.  If anyone reading this knows Erin's friend who is in the hospital, please don't tell him.  He is a beautiful young man of 36. He has very aggressive cancer and his last chemo treatment burned his body from the inside out.  First of all, let's hope and if you pray, pray, he will make his graduation from Columbia University on May 15th.  He is the first person to graduate from college in his family. He has worked very hard for this.  He asked my daughter to bring him a few things, including slippers.  Since my husband died his slippers have been next to my bed.  I know he has no feet to put in them, but I have liked the comfort of the illusion.  They are perfect slippers.  They are soft and fleecy inside and the top is velcro so matter how much your feet swell or how painful they are you can adjust them accordingly.  I didn't even think twice about it.  I put the slippers in my bag to give to Erin's friend.  He doesn't know they were Artie's.  I don't want him to know that Artie wore them while he was dying.  He only knows that they are great slippers.  That is the best kind of gift - the quiet one.  I miss them.  I keep telling myself the truth.  Artie is not in his slippers.  Our beloved dead are not in their clothes or in the sheets they slept on.  Artie isn't even in that darn Yankee Jacket I keep wearing.  I hope Erin's friend is the exception.  I hope he lives and he can laugh about this terrible time.  If he doesn't I hope that when he dies he finds that there is some place else where he lives without pain.  I hope Artie will be there to welcome him and perhaps someone else will have the slippers next to their bed. 

This isn't on DVDs.  I have to organize my taxes.  Life goes on in the form of seeing the accountant tomorrow.  Not very dramatic, that one.  Living is highs and lows and just have to do the darn taxes.  As always, with love.  Jan who has no slippers next to her bed and is still a grief warrior.  xo

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