Monday, December 26, 2011

Grief: Grief Warriors Keep Talking!!

It's the day after Christmas.  With all the family ups and downs and all the friends ups and downs I wanted to pop in to say - To me there is nothing you can say or feel that is WRONG.  I always hope for the best things for you but when you have had someone you love die you have a right to your feelings and to TALK about the person that has died (or the pet) whether anyone wants to hear it or not.  I get frustrated that so many people find friends and family unwilling to mention the dead person's name as if they never existed. I get frustrated that so many people find friends and family think there is something wrong with you if after a week, a year, 25 years you have a close relationship with the person you love and want to share your memories and thoughts.

One of the reasons I started this blog was to say anything I wanted to.  I do not have complicated grief or morbid grief.  I am not sick or crazy.  I miss my husband.  I would be an idiot not to.  He's still a part of my life.  He always will be.  Even if some day I fall in love again and remarry - guess what - Artie's coming with.  My new little granddaughter is a miracle and my job with her is not to associate love with loss but rather to be able to open up my heart fully.  The open heart door is a little creaky but she is oiling it with her sweet vulnerability and cuteness.  She will know about her Grandpa Artie even though they are not related by blood.  My friends - whatever they think about it - are rather used to Artie being in the conversation.  It's amazing to me that after over two and a half years he is still so alive to me.  Many times in a conversation if someone talks about something they did with someone - I tell a story about Artie and me.  That's the way it is.

Some people have disappeared from my life.  I decided that may be a good thing  I am determined to be who I am and feel what I feel and take the consequences.  Holidays can be tough because we are conscious of the empty space (even if it is filled with spirit) in ways that others aren't.  I don't mind so much anymore if other people forget but I'm not going to.  I'm also not going to feel bad that I don't.

There is room for love, laughter, being present and having our dead be alive with us.  I shared a lovely day yesterday with my daughter, my granddaughter, AND my husband.  I wish he were here in person - but he can't be - so he will be here because I invite him wherever I go.

I hope that you feel surrounded by the love of the people you love - whether they are alive or dead.  Oddly enough some dead people have more life than some alive people.  Go figure that one out.  You can be fully alive and still have a loving relationship with your dead.  That's the truth as I see it.

Wishing you that feeling I hope baby Gwendolyn has - safe and secure and blessed.  Pulling strength from those around you when you lack your own.

Well, time to shut off the computer and see what today brings.  Trying to be here - but a little worried about New Year's Eve.  Wanting to count my blessings instead of my irritations.  :)   xo

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