Friday, November 2, 2012

Grief: I Don't Want To Enjoy Every Moment of My Life

This is a short post.  Someone commented that I should enjoy every moment of my life.

I appreciate all comments.

For me, enjoying every moment of my life would be hollow.  I want to be sad about the sad things and happy about the happy things.  I don't mind being angry when I am angry.  I don't think we have positive and negative emotions - I think we have a full spectrum of emotions and we are less than human when we block some of them out.

There are things I can do to increase my happiness - to change my focus so that I am happy more often.  That is the work I have done my whole life - to become a more complete and more satisfied human being.

However, my goal is not to enjoy every moment.  To me that would make me insensitive to the pain and cruelty that exist along with the beauty and wonder.

What I can learn is not to hold on to the pain and suffering.  I can welcome them, feel them, honor them, and then as I become more skilled move on to being present with things that bring me joy.

I don't ever want to think it's all good.  That is disrespectful to those who suffer.  i want to remember and acknowledge their suffering.  It is never my job to judge someone's feelings - only their actions - if they are unkind to themselves or to others.

I'm enjoying part of this moment.  My allergies are bothering me and I am not enjoying my nose being all itchy.

I am enjoying kissing my granddaughter good night.  I am not enjoying going to bed with the teddy bear my husband gave me instead of my husband.

You know what - I am enjoying every moment of my life.  Because...I'm enjoying not enjoying! There's a riddle to go to sleep on.  xo

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